Saturday, August 6, 2011

Saturday Speak!

Hello friends, I am so sorry that my post has come so late today, but it has been one crazy and tiring day. I woke up at 445am in order to get 15 miles in before the sun became too powerful. Let me tell you, I was EXHAUSTED and just wanted to roll back over when that alarm went off. It's so easy to pull that blanket over my head and snuggle up next to my husband and just pretend nothing happened, but I knew I would feel like a failure if I didn't do it. I laced up and took off and I had an awful run. I felt all out of sort, I fell and at the end, I cried. I even asked myself: 'why am I doing this?' I was ready to quit and just say, oh well, I tried. I'm scared, I am terrified, I am afraid! My fear is of being laughed at, ridiculed, I mean come on, what am I doing out there?! All these professional runners and I'm struggling at 15. What if I crack on Marathon Day. Ladies and gents, this was a BAD day for me.

I got home and must have spent 20 minutes in the shower, I just wanted to cry myself back to bed, but we were in a rush to get school uniforms, supplies and the like, because I had to drop the kids off and we were volunteering at BINGO tonight. As I rested my forehead in defeat and the water streamed over my body, this quote above entered my mind. THAT was exactly what I needed. So what if I'm not going to be the most fit one out there or even close to it, at least I am out there, at least I am trying. It's more than many can say and I shouldn't beat myself up about it. Tomorrow is supposed to be a rest day, but my Dad saw how bummed I was today when I dropped the kids off, that he took me to Dick's and bought me a cute new running outfit. Now, I think I will do a slight 3 miles in the morning and remind myself, that even if I am walking, I am still taking a monumental step.

Then as I collected my mail, I noticed that I had a package! My team running shirt came in! WOW, it's so official now and I was triggered with fear for a moment, but alas, I relaxed and just told myself as long as I have faith in myself, I can accomplish anything. I am trying and that's all that matters...
When I came across this today, I have decided to adopt this as my motto. I LOVE it and I know it will help get me through those runs where I am crying the last miles and cursing myself for even getting into something like this. 
"There will be days I don't know if I can do a marathon. There will be a lifetime knowing that I have."
Friends, I would love to thank you so much for your advice, words of encouragement and praise. I love that you all take a minute out of your day to read my posts and even comment. Little words like that go a long way, when I hit that trail and thoughts of quitting cross my mind. I have 17 miles to run on Saturday! YIKES!



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